I was hopeful to have new work to bring to the blog, but FIVE sessions scheduled for this past weekend are now moved to new dates because of all the rain. I spent Thursday night getting all caught up, blog posts and all, so when the rain came and cleared my schedule, it was an unexpected blessing of much down time with my little family. I blinked and my son is almost one (I can hardly type the words and accept this fact), so a chance to slow down, curl up for naps together and empty my laundry hamper was well overdue.
God has a funny way of reminding you of your purpose. I’ve never been the best at paragraph transition, so I realize that was an abrupt flip of the switch, but in my head the thoughts do go together. It’s not often from about mid-March through September that my schedule allows a lot of time for mental reflection. I normally despise a weekend rain-out, but I needed it in more ways than one. I’m a busy-bee to a fault. If I’m sitting still, I’m going crazy. I don’t know what it is that makes me that way, because there seems to be no happy medium – I’m either bored or I’m stressed. But, I learned that about myself a long time ago and now it’s just trying to manage that blessing/curse.
Sitting still this weekend and just letting myself be, I realized just how much this thing has evolved. Normally my free time brings me to Monday where I’ve dreamed up 4,000 new ideas of the weekend and I hit the ground running trying to implement all the things, but this weekend was so different. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence I found myself with a free weekend, right on the heels of my reunion weekend. If anything, this was God’s way of reminding me that he knew all along the incredible plans he’d have for me.
I haven’t figured out if being full of self-doubt is part of being a small business owner, or just one of the negative characteristic that make me who I am. If I had to guess, maybe a touch of both, but either way I am certainly drowning in it at times. I see so many things that have turned into a pretty huge success, but took me months or years to implement because I was scared I wasn’t good enough or too nervous to take the risk and potentially fall flat on my face. I’ve learned that these moments where I allow myself to be held back because of my own internal struggles align with the same timing where I’ve tried to take this business back into my own hands and unintentionally push God out of it. I’ve learned that He’s never failed me, and He isn’t going to, so I need to continually trust.
Almost three years ago in August, I had my first wedding. The fears, the excitement, the I’ve-waited-so-long-for-this, the nerves, all of it. It happened. Today, a little over two and half years later, I booked my first destination wedding that’ll take me and my family to a quaint winery in New York, at 700x the rate I booked my first wedding. Two very different firsts for me, two examples of God’s grace in my life. Only two and a half years of time.
If you’re reading this as a boastful post, I should apologize for the tone I’ve used to convey my heart, because I can tell you that in this very moment, typing this very sentence, I feel so overwhelmed with a genuine passion of encouragement for the person who’s dreaming two and a half years out from where you’re currently sitting. Your dreams feel so unattainable, but they’re not. Let me be a living proof that they’re not. I work full time, I’m a mom, I’m a wife, I’m studying for my CPA license, following the Dave Ramsey method for digging us out of like $60k of student debt as fast as possible, and I’m growing my business seriously every single day. I’m not encouraging you to try and tackle the same amount of stress at once – I actually don’t recommend it at all (being real, here), but rather, hoping to just encourage you to not make excuses. Don’t think because your dreams feel so big, you shouldn’t try. Give them all you have, and don’t put them on hold because you’re scared of failure. You owe it to yourself to work to become that person you dream of being, holding whatever roles you aspire to. And when it feels hard, and it feels impossible, and you’re ready to throw in the towel, don’t. Someone, somewhere is becoming inspired by what you’re doing and someday, you’re going to be able to look back over those two and a half years and see the 700% growth because you didn’t give up.
Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine. You’re guaranteed to share in the highs and the lows with me, but I am committed to staying honest and encouraging. I’m cheering for you, whatever your dreams look like.
XOXO, Taylor