This was not the blog post I intended to write today, but sometimes things happen and they bring something to light that feels like it needs to be shared. I believe things come to the forefront of my mind not by chance, but because there’s someone somewhere that’s sharing a struggle with me that could benefit from hearing my story.
When it comes to this business, or really any career/hobby/what have you, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. Bare with me here. If you didn’t already know, I am an accountant by trade. In this profession, it’s a routine part of the job to be evaluated to really assess where I’ve been, the steps I’ve taken to get to where I currently am, what my strengths AND weaknesses are, and what goals I’ve set to continue to see growth. Though uncomfortable at times, I believe being intentional is important, and while in the moment it may seem like my time could be well spent elsewhere, I owe it to my bosses and to myself to ensure I am always striving to be a better version of myself. The same goes for this business- I owe it to myself, and more importantly, my clients to prove that I’m never going to settle for just being good. I’m someone’s investment, being great is the goal. Not just for me, but for them. Are price tags daunting at times? Yep. Do I fight the urge to invest at times because something else seems more attractive? Absolutely. But when it comes to both equipment and education, having the right tools to support my growth has never been a bad investment.
I’m an overall positive person. My personality is one that has evolved into this life-isn’t-meant-to-be-so-serious type that seems to joke off tension, and overall I just find joy being the source of someone else’s smile and laughter. But lately, in between the blog posts, Instagram and Facebook posts, and prompt e-mail replies, I’ve found myself ultra-frustrated at what, to me, feels like inconsistency. In my head I know exactly what I want each end product to look like, MY style. My own, unique “look”. The straight out of camera product looks good and professional, the composition feels right, everything seems in balance, but the style feels off. I adjust this, or alter the level of that, or make a tweak here and change the tone there, but it still isn’t exactly what I envisioned.
This past weekend I had a nice, little come-to-Jesus with myself internally. If it meant staying up all night, I was going to do what it took to bring to life what has been in my mind since I launched this thing. While I know I’ve done my absolute best and brought everything to the table that I possibly could to each session, I’ve grown tired- nope, exhausted of feeling like my results fell short when it came to a cohesive and consistent style. I didn’t want to give in and succumb to the thought of just buying someone else’s preset or Lightroom action, I wanted to figure this thing out and finally get to a place of confidence in my own work. Confidence every single time, every single session. Do I feel like I've learned everything I need to know and that my growth has reached its maximum? Nope - I'm certain I'll face struggle again, but the point is that God uses you even in your weakest hour to prove himself to you. To prove that your dreams do matter.
I believe this slow season has been “hard” for me mentally because God was bringing me to this place, doing a work in me all along to be a voice of encouragement to someone else struggling just as I have been. I never wanted this to be an overnight success, though it would have been an easier road, challenges bring the best growth, and great things don’t happen overnight. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve literally had thoughts of admitting defeat and giving up, and I’m sure I’ve annoyed my close friends and family with my self-doubts and pity parties lately, but God used someone on Sunday to breathe life into my purpose again. And God showed himself, and re-confirmed my purpose in this whole thing this past weekend. If it feels like I’ve overshared my recent work, I have. I’m proud, I’ve finally been able to put what’s been in my head on “paper”, and though maybe not 100% relatable because maybe you’re not a photographer struggling with finding your style, just know that this is a simple example to prove that God cares about even the smallest of our desires. God is doing a work in your own life and circumstance to prove His purpose. And through all the frustration, exhaustion, and feelings of self-doubt and defeat, know that trusting him WILL bring timely confirmation.
As always, thanks for following along on this little dream of mine.
XOXO, Taylor